This is a very interesting subject matter. Is sex for women all about the orgasm? Or is there more to sex than the big O? Custom research by Isbel (National study of women done in 2012), showed that 81% of women valued sex primarily because it cultivated intimacy with their husband or partner with or without achieving orgasm. Pleasure, touch and yes-orgasm, were referenced but, women care most about fostering connection and experiencing a deeply intimate moment with their partner.
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| Adesuwa |
If you are a guy reading this, know that I’m not advocating against assisting your woman to climax; especially, as it comes second to intimacy. Please it is gratifying, so why should ladies not have their own share of the fun? The society and the entertainment industry, have focused too long on showcasing love making primarily as vaginal intercourse as a super way for guys to climax. Not much has been said or shown for women. However, some women have shared that they indulge in a lot of touching, caressing and kissing which they find quite satisfying even when there is no orgasm. Reaching orgasm is a tricky thing though, you can have fulfilling sex without achieving one. At other times, you can have the best orgasm ever with little effort. If it happened that you hardly never achieved it and it does not bother you, then nobody should make you feel as if you have a problem.
It is very possible to have great sex without reaching orgasm; especially, if you do not perceive orgasm as a goal or something to achieve. Replace the word intercourse with satisfaction by allowing yourself to experience and explore what gives you pleasure. Prioritize connection, closeness and communication with your partner. Indulge in a happy, enjoyable relationship and have the kind of sex you have always dreamt of.
Do not unintentionally discount orgasms. If you are experiencing orgasms through masturbation, with your mate, oral sex, copulation, kissing, smooching, role play, fantasy, or anything other than the male private organ in the vagina sex, just know that your love making is not one without orgasm. The orgasms you watched in mainstream media are not like what most couples have. If you experience what feels good though not earthshattering, it does not necessarily mean it was not orgasm and even if it was not an orgasm, it does not mean it was not meaningful or arousing. It is left for you to decide if you would like to learn more about orgasms or if you are cool the way you are.
Note that your specific sexual preferences are centered around anticipation, delay or denying orgasm. But, you are more excited just thinking about or being prevented from reaching orgasm than actually achieving one itself.
Make peace with yourself that if it is hard for you to have orgasm, you will simply settle for the choice of pleasuring yourself in other ways rather than putting pressure on yourself to conform or perform. You have the choice to decide what you want sexually, in what order or what you want to add or take away from love-making.
Don’t allow anxieties to cloud your desires over whether you do or don’t get orgasm from overshadowing the pleasure you will get. You are open to experience orgasm when or if it happens especially, if you have a spouse who accepts you the way you are, and is not pressuring you to have an orgasm because he feels, it might reflect badly on his image.
Communicate your desires with your spouse, listen to what she wants and together, the two of you can work to understand and respect each other’s preferences. Don’t measure yourself by other couple’s sexual standards, judgments or hang-ups: be happy the way you are.
Achieving orgasms can be quite slippery as most ladies do not have one major time they hit the bed. This does not mean that sex without the grand finale is an exercise in futility; far from it. On those moments you feel you will not climax or motivated enough to strive at it, have it in mind that there are other ways you can simply enjoy the show without smacking the peak.
Presently, women are beginning to appreciate sex for more than just the last few seconds. So move ahead and don’t quit: love every moment of it. If you connect with your partner, then do that which you enjoy and makes you feel satisfied.
So don’t expect a woman to reach orgasm every single time. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a 2014 study suggests that orgasm may not be the chief measure of sexual satisfaction for every person.
Again, communication is key. The value of orgasm and a woman’s ability to regularly have one varies with each individual. The same way life is about journey, not the
destination, sex can be enjoyable and wonderful, funny, honey, hot and pleasurable even if it does not culminate in a shuddering orgasm. Just because an orgasm may not be on the card does not suggest, you don’t want to eat.
Debra Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University, has this to say: ‘’Something we don’t talk about is why having orgasm is the main goal or the only goal. Who are we to say women should be having orgasm?’’ Hence copulation should be a way of releasing energy, reaching certain level of intimacy, that chance to play and experiment the opportunity to give pleasure. Orgasms are mind blowing but it should not always be the reason for love- making.
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